We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
