Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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