My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
