I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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