This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
