I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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