we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i now understand why vodka
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
