Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
