what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
