True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
