sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
