I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
