he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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