Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
