I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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