meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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