he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
