when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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