If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
