His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
