I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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