so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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