Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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