How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight