I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.