Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants