Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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