My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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