no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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