forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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