Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize