So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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