I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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