Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
