Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
