And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
