Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
