She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
