thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
