I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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