She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
