The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
