Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
