about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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