We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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