Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
