all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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