he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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