At least make sure they are 18
Why
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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