im holly from the hills drunk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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