Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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