I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
