just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
