In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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