Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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