I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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