I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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