This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
3 2 1 whiskey
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
