The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
