While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
