I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
