Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
