I hate your face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
