Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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