I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
