wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
