i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
