i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize