Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
