Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
