Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
