That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
two words: eviction party
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
