okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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